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Things to make you, well maybe not you , but me go hmmmmmmmmmmmm
Thursday, January 6,2005. 2:46pm
Okay so I could have place a better title there, but the thing that did
make me go HMMMMMMMMMMMMM did give me a chuckle if nothing more.... Anyhow.. I'll explain.. I was on here earlier, well not
here, but at another website, looking about, reading message boards, when I happen to come across one about a David Matthews..
Well, thinking, it's about none other then Dave.. right?? Nope.. WRONG!!! Seems there's a cat out in, of ALL places, CHARLOTTESVILLE
who just happens to have the very same name as our very own Dave.. but he holds onto David, not Dave.. it doesn't just end
there.. His int are literally the same it seem's.. that being DJM.. Even more.. they both share the same name in all ways..
David J. Matthews.. except the second David has the whole spelling of his middle name.. that being Johnatan(sp) Matthews..
Dave is David John Matthews. Now it gets even more interesting..lol David is also a musician it seems.. Yes, I thought
the very same. a big ol' WTF ran all around my wittle mind too.. And I got to laughing because this cat is literally
promoting himself with his actual name, in CHARLOTTESVILLE. David Matthews.. Now.. I have to say, I do so totally agree with
a few people who posted to this "thread" that this cat needs to do some name changing because people are going to flock to
his gig's fully expecting to see DAVE, not David.. and they will in turn get pissed and leave.. thus making this cats career
a total flop. Now, maybe a total change is not needed, but when promoting one's self, esp when you happen to SHARE the name
of another very famous Dave, I would think you would take it into yourself and maybe, for promotion sake, drop your first
name. Now there are people who are pretty much mindless about why this kid should do this.. Lemme place some light here..
Where this kid to go into acting next, SAG will literally make him change his name.. they won't allow 2 David Matthews. In
music, I believe it should be the same way.. Why can't he promote himself as Johnatan Matthews or something along those lines???
It makes perfect sense toi me and IM sure anyone else who were to read this, and know of this kid in the Ville. Funny lil
story there.. even funnier is knowing this kid isn't from the ville, but relocated to the place to begin his career.. Hmmmm
wonder why???? LMAO
other then reading that funny little bit, Ive done nothing destructive cept for bring the youngin's
toy box back into the house from the laundry room now that the holidays are over for another 3 hundred and someodd days. I
literally took ALL of his brothers toy out of his (ie: wildman.. the oldest boy) toychest and put youngins stuff in there..
makes for a cleaner looking play area.. then went back to wildmans room, and began to clean up.. threw away all the broken
toys as well as happy meal ones and one's missing parts. found I believe 60 cents. and got a clean room to boot.
Which leads me to my next plan of attack.
That being, IM going to take all of wildmans stuff outta his room, and begin to put girlchilds things
in there. AND then put all of wild mans things in her old bedroom. I see that questioning look. Well, she and I butt heads
hard over her room.. that being, it's always a mess. Now to me, at age 7 is when a girl should begin to want some order in
her life.. want things to begin to stay clean.. I know I began keeping better order at 7 yrs old.. so I actually expect the
same form her. Had I batteries in my digi cam right now, I'd take a pic of her dungeon to show full proof of how trashed that
puppy is. But I don't and well, am asking that you use your imagination as best you can. Anyhow.. Being one who gets fed up
pretty easily, Ive decided she can have the wildmans much SMALLER room. I know she may still keep it trashed, but she'll also
have a smaller space to clean. She can't seem to take care of a large room, well a smaller one should be easier.. In turn,
wildman gets her room, BUT with that, he will also share the room with his brother. Meaning, the youngins crib gets put in
the room.. and together they share the space. It wont be much longer before youngin is allowed to sleep in a toddler
bed, so why not.. mommy and daddy need to have their room back now. IM not going to do this all at one time.. It'll be a surpass
attack on my part.. she gets punishment first. Which also means she has to give up her prized possessions, that being 1. Her
Gameboy Advance system thingie w/ games and travel bag.. 2. her favorite boots. PLUS get the room together because I
want it as near to clean as it can get so I can move things around. only things she takes to the other room are her posters,
books and dresser. Oh and fish tank. he takes with him his Spiderman posters, dresser, books and toys. I wish I knew the exact
sizes of these 2 rooms to give you an ideal of where's she's going and what she is going to be made to give up over her pigheadedness
to keeping a slop house for a bedroom. Yes, I know Im being just mean abou it, but when the child spent nearly 6 months last
yr on punishment over that room and has since been on and off punishment over it, what's that tell you? And yes, she does
fully expect ME to clean it for her because in the past I have done it but only because I was sick of seeing it look so very
bad. Not this time. Momma is putting her foot down.. matter of fact both feet and she aint movein on this.. Now the problem
Im also seeing in all of this aside from her just insisting on keeping a very mess room is her father.. will he back me up
or will he buck up and give her what she wants.. He usually bucks.. so we'll see this time. We'll see!
Could I have been.....
Monday, January 10, 2005. 9:08pm
I had a wonderfully
long weekend. It was rather last minute, and well worth it. And plans are being made to have another one, but a bit longer..
that being, leave on a Friday.. or rather an early hour on a Friday and not come home til Sunday evening, bout 9 maybe 10
pm. Anyhow.. My weekend began on Saturday. Kinda by way of Dwayne having put a bug in my head about maybe just going to hang
out somewhere. I wanted to do it Friday night, but Saturday worked out nicely. I suggested it, but wasn't sure if he would
jump at it. And at first he didn't. Maybe an hour after suggesting it, he came back and asked if we had the extra greenage
on hand. I made sure we did. only spent what needed spent on this and that and that was it. Anyhow, I had already begun
to wash up and stuff. Only had to wait on him to get himself together. By 4 pm we were in route to Charlottesville. Landing
at the Market St. garage.. and finally resting at Miller's. Had no clue they were going to have a live act that night.. nothing..
Spoke with the bar manager for a bit.. and he told us a bit about the act coming in.. And that some people from ATO Records
was supposed to be coming in as well to check out this band.. and "Might be bringing friends." Dwayne didn't want to stay,
but I put it off and put it off. We "meet" the band.. lil 3 man group out of Georgia. Has a female front-woman.. She wasn't
bad.. she placed herself in the "Kind of a ...." she said, Joni Mitchell meet's Nora Jones with a splash of John Meyer(sp)
she also gave us a button and asked that we listen to their CD, which she gave us.. and then asked, "Will you listen to it?"
I told her yes. I ment to keep my word on it too.. ( yes I did listen to the CD Thank you!)We, that being Dwayne & I moved
upstairs to the dining area. Just as long as we could drink it didnt matter. He was of course at this point drunk in every
which way he could be drunk that it wasn't funny. But he still managed to sit up.. He pressed on and on about us leaving..
going to another bar.. I wouldn't budge.. I was hoping to see... "him" I felt it in the air that he would be there..
and it would be a dream come true for me. Sadly, we left before even finding out if ATO people showed up, if they signed the
band, etc,etc.. but most importanly.. if he was really there. We said our good nights to Mike, I stopped and spoke to the
lil galfrom the band.. told them they were absolutely awesome. She thanked us for hanging around to listen.. hell she even
hugged me.. Dwayne didn't know what to think at that point..lol I left not wanting to go.. I so badly waned to stay.. just
to satisfy my need to know. It'll be near impossible to find out if he was there.. For all I know, he was, but no one that
I know would know for sure.. it would all end as a rumor that he was.. but that he never goes to Millers. I have a feeling
they would all be surprised to know that he does once in a while. Mike wont spill it.. Hell that man knew "him" for a while
if Im correct. so, Im left with a "Could I have been" ... in his very presence.. could I have been watched by him at somepoint..
could I have been..........?
Oh and before I forget.. the band is called Paris Luna.. Ive left a link
to their website on the link page.. check em out!! Good tunes.. To me.. she sounds more like Natalie Merchant with a splash
of Alanis in there.. you be the judge!
I LOVE to sleep
Wednesday, January 12,2005. 12:43pm
There is no other way to put it.. I love sleeping. And sadly, I get so
little of it these days. Its mostly because IM running after a toddler 3 times over.. and because I don't know well enough
to just take my butt to bed at a normal hour at night. I heard on the radio.. (WNRN to be exact.. that's 91.9 for the
local crowd of C'Ville and Louisa) that I think it was Science has found a possible link to weight gain and insomnia.. or
rather not getting the proper amount of nightly sleep. And they finished off the report with something close to having a better
reason to hitting the snooze alarm for atleast 20 more mins in the morning. How about going to bed 20 mins earlier instead?
Makes perfect sense. I made a New Years Rez to taking far better care of this body, and part of that was going to bed
at a very normal time.. I have not been doing well in that dept.. and am aiming to making it happen the right way. How can
I expect to begin excersing again if IM worn out? ( hence another reason the sleep thing makes perfect sense) I mean,
really, I don't need to sit up at night. What am I doing at night that is so important that I need to sit up?? Im on message
boards and playing games.. okay.. yes.. I do enjoy chit-chatting with my friends.. but really.. the better half are on during
the day too, so is there really any need in my staying up and on a computer til midnight or later? No!!! So am thinking I
just need to go back to what I did last year.. Start going to bed shortly after Dwayne goes.. He hits the bed by 7:30pm..
I can be in there by 8:30 and watch tv til Im tired.. that being.. maybe take a sleep aid to help knock my butt out well
before 12. I wont be so tired in the am.. matter of fact.. will be bright eyed and bushy tailed. Ready to do my morning thing..
drink one cup of coffee.. clean up before weeman wakes up.. ( only so he can tear up again..lmao) little things to get my
day going..
Yeah.. sounds like a plan..
Did I mention I love to sleep???? Hahahaha 
Mother Nature.. she be a fickled
Monday, January 17, 2005. 12:26am
It was snowing a bit earlier
tonight. But it's not anymore. And that's just sad. I tell you, snow is becoming far and few in-between. Gone
are the day of when I was a kid, and got to see such heights as 5 feet easily. When school was canceled for very good reason's
that didn't not include an inch or less of the white stuff. When you had something real to take your snow disk or board or
even a bladed sled to and go flying down a hill as fast as you could. When you had enough snow on the ground to make a snowman
and never worry bout dirt or gravel being stuck to any parts of him or building a snow fort or even an igloo was something
to really look forward to because there was really enough on the ground to do just that! I do admit, I didn't think it would
have snowed tonight. And after seeing the small amount we got, think it shoulda just gone over us. I love snow.. look forward
to it when its in the forecast, but become upset over small dustings. Mother Nature musta drank too much over the holidays..
she hasn't a clue what she's doing these days.
Move the mind... ( and/ or soul)
Friday, January 21, 2005. 10:02pm
It's occurred to me that movies, not all, but some, are being made to move
the viewers mind and or soul. Not all viewers, but a few, and it depends on what movie is being watched at the time and what's
going on in the viewers life I believe that effects how they feel after they've seen the film. Anyhow... I've been thinking
bout this most of the day. How is it movies can do this? I don't mean just any film ... but something that has some kind of
controversy to it. It doesn't matter how much or little has been attached to it, its just that fact that it's there and it's
made people go and see the film.. ( or rent it)
Last night I watched on IFC "American History X". I didn't know what it was about aside from
what the sat TV guide told me. I had never seen the film before.. But was ....... shocked some, no maybe more then some..
I didn't expect to see something as touchy as this film. For those who have never seen it.. In a run down as best I can give..
Its about a guy who is a "Skinhead" he believes in the whole White Power deal. So much that at one point he murder's I believe
2 black men for breaking into his truck. He is sent to prison. And in there has to deal with everything prison life entitles
you. During his stay, he comes to realize what he had done was wrong. And works at changing his life around. That's all I
will tell you.. It's a good movie, and one I would suggest you see if you can tolerate it. I was shocked, angered, I cried..
I had never seen a movie like this before.. Seldom do movies move me.. this did. It was unexpected.. I watched the entire
film.. refused to turn it off when I needed to really go onto bed. I don't think I could possibly find the right words to
describe what I felt in all..
And then, there is another film I got to see.. It did more then move me.. Being from a catholic
family, I really didn't expect to see what I saw. After seeing the movie, I have questioned how I was brought up religiously.
I don't think I can view any religion the same way after I seen this one movie. There really is no good way to describe what
I seen, what I felt, how I reacted.. I know at some point, I felt sick to my stomach... I cried.. I so badly wanted to scream...
" Leave him ALONE!!!!!!!!!".. Years ago I seen a movie in which I heard spoken.. " Will you die for him?"... I heard those
very same words words watching this movie.. and I said yes... Finally said yes. I don't think I will ever be the same bout
humanity after seeing this movie.. I know I will never think the same when I hear of this race or that race being the so called
"Chosen ones." I think the chosen one's are in essence the one's who are willing to die for humanity, who would have been
there to die for him. What movie am I talking about.. "The Passion of The Christ." Its a very emotional movie and not, let
me repeat NOT for the timid. I suggest anyone to watch this.. I know very few who were unmoved by the movie.. Why I don't
know, I have never asked. We all have our reason's.. I know at one point, during one certain scene, I had to turn my head..
I couldn't watch. My husband commented after seeing the movie, that he hadn't planned on watching it but was glad he did..
Because he feels what Christ is said to have endured for us, we as one race of people do not deserve it..he feels Christ died
for no reason. My husband is not a religious man.. not at all. But his most rememberable comment of the film was.. "I will
never be able to live up to his fathers expectations.. There is no way I will ever be able to do it not now, not ever.. but
I can try my best to be a good man... " I think somehow, my husband found religion after he watched this movie.
Is it time or not?
Sunday, January 23, 2005. 8:24pm
Today was a lazy day for me.. have been tired for the last 2 days, but of course, that
could have something to do with the fact that Ive been crawling into bed at such late hours at night. But with there being
ice outside and being chilly and such, I want nothing more then to sleep and chill all day. Thank God there isn't any school
tomorrow. Or I'd be done for, maybe...
Anyway, as much as I so badly wanted to be lazy today, I really didn't have the time to do ... nothing..
I set it in my mind yesterday that today I would clean my closet out and convert weeman's bed into a toddler bed. I was going
to put this off until tomorrow but just went ahead and got it done today. I had nothing better to fool with, so why not ya
know. Throwing out some things I don't need anymore seems to make me happy. hold on.. Let me correct something.. I'll be donating
these things.. I hate throwing away anything that still has use to it.. Baby clothes and things given to me that I do not
ever plan to wear, gone.. thank you!! made space for things that really needed to go in there, like hmmm clothes I wear..
shoes.. you know that basics. And then set to converting a crib to bed. During this, it came to mind, Am I now rushing my
youngest to grow up now??? Or am I simply helping him along to the next step in his young life? When it's something
too much or being done too soon? Now, mind you, I have 2 other children. My first grew up fast and hasn't stopped.. my second
kinda went at his own pace for a long time and has since suddenly began to really grow up.. It's a welcome change with him.
But my baby.... The one I so very much want to keep a baby, he yo-yo's in this area of growing up.. He is hitting that terrible
2's thing.. His battle for independence, but desire to hold onto being the baby. And me... I'm at a point where, I want to
help guide him properly, while letting him discover everything on his own..With him, I have been my most relaxed.. that being,
Im not worrying over if Im doing this or that wrong.. he is still very much a learning experience in progress, but nothing
like his sister and brother ahead of him. With them each, I worried over EVERYTHING!!!! Him ... there were or have been
plenty of worries, but most have been very relaxed worries.. Kinda of knowing what was worth worry and what wasn't. At this
point, I consider myself an expert..( laughing!!) ( here is where I place.. "Shhhhhhhh, you are now in the presence
of a GENIUS at work!".... a line I told a friend of one day and said that it fit her perfectly.. it really does.. haha) Anyhow,
back on topic.. ( Hobbes wouldn't like topics to be taken off in any direction but one.. sorry--inside joke.. some will
understand it.. while many others won't) I began to wonder if I was in fact beginning to push him to grow up some. I mean
going from crib to bed is a big leap for any child. But was my child ready for this, and how will it change him? That remains
to be seen for now.. But Im wondering nonetheless. At this point in my life, I am at a cross road. Do I want any more
or not??? If I do, when will I try again?? Im torn.. Which I think is why Im wondering if Im pushing him.. my thoughts of
babies have begun to spill over into how Im doing things with him? I won't lie, I have begun to feel a slight tug at wanting
one more chance at motherhood. I love being pregnant, feeling a baby move around inside is something.. Feeling the kicks,
and the hiccups.. Hold a baby is just so plucking awesome.. feeling the utter love for that little person is so unreal.. Knowing
you can feel love for another so strong is almost frightening. But knowing it's possible is....there just aren't any words
for it.. that how strong it is. Looking into their eyes, and allowing your glance graze upon their sweet little face..
counting their tiny fingers and toes.. I honestly don't think I can give that desire up. I do believe I will head toward having
one more ... because if I weren't, I wouldn't even begin to feel that tug.. But I have been for a while, mind you it isn't
a strong tug yet.. but it will happen and it will drive me near insane, but it'll happen. So, maybe ... just maybe I'm not
pushing my baby to grow up too fast, but only as fast as he's willing to go for now. And that's all right with me. It gives
me one more day to wake up and see that bright smiling face of his, and feel his little arms try so hard to wrap around me
in as deep a hug as he can give.... one more day he's willing to give me a baby kiss. one more day for everything so endearing
to feel and discover with him before he's ready to do things on his own and ... and ... he's no longer a baby, but...... but
my baby boy grow up. And then... will he ever be too grown for hugs and kisses??
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